This memorial website was created in the memory of our angel baby,  Max William Haywood who was born asleep in United Kingdom on October 22nd 2006.  He is our forever baby.  Always in our hearts.

'Missing you little one at Christmas and always'

Twinkle, twinkle little star so swiftly here and gone

you left behind such heartache when your time on earth was done

for you were very precious but your stay was all too brief

and Christmas time without you will be tinged with pain and grief

and yet, its comforting to know that we will always be

connected by a bond of love for all eternity.

You see, the love you left behind forever will shine on and the brightest star

will be yours, dear little one' xxxx

Please copy and paste this link to view this montage for Max's 3rd Birthday xx  I would love to know you had watched and seen the precious time we spent with our baby.

http://www.onetruemedia.com/my_shared?z=14aba0e9d962e9ccc2f8af&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

  5

You’re wondering if I’ll celebrate
My birthday (way up here)
I know you’re missing me today
I feel your essence near.

God planned a special day for me
He told me with a wink
He’d ordered me a special cake
(It’s Angel food, I think)

I’m getting lots of hugs from God
He’s really good at that
And every time that I walk by
He gives my head a pat

Balloons will fill the streets for me
They float up through the clouds
And we have lots of clowns up here
That make us laugh out loud

There is a birthday carousel
Jeweled horses ride the wind
With music playing oh so sweet…
The magic never ends

I’ve made so many friends, you see
We laugh and play and sing
We ride our bikes and play jump rope
And sleep in Angel’s wings

We’ll have our cake and ice cream
And open gifts, surprise!
But we don’t blow out our candles here
Instead, they light the skies

xxx

To all of you who come here and leave Max tributes and candles throughout the year thank you so much!!  I cannot explain how much comfort I get from logging on to see how many people have left him messages.  It helps to see how often people think of Max and how many lives he touched.  So, to all of you, thank you.

God Bless

Sian & Danny

x

 "There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn and people we can't live without but have to let go."

 "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." -- Gilda Radner

Please have a look at the new montage we made for Max. I am so proud to have finished it, I started it about 2 weeks after we had him and never had the strength to finish it. Today I have managed to. (25th Nov 2007) so as you can see it has been a while in the making. I hope you are able to see what I see. My precious child. My perfect Max.

The link below will take you straight to the montage just copy and paste it into your browser.  Have your sound on to listen to the music too.

http://www.onetruemedia.com/otm_site/view_shared?
p=21de16dd8a335f45e269ce&source=category&category_id=all 
 

When you lose a parent, you lose your past.
When you lose a spouse, you lose your present...
But when you lose a child, you lose your future.

I WILL LOVE YOU

As long as I can dream,
As long as I can think,
As long I have memory...
I will love you.

As long as I have eyes to see
and ears to hear
and lips to speak...
I will love you.

As long as I have a heart to feel,
a soul stirring within,
An imagination to hold you...
I will love you.

As long as there is time,
As long as there is love,
As long as I have a breath
to speak your name...
I will Love You,

There is a star up in the sky
A young life ended "Too soon" we cry!
A beacon of hope for those in need
"My life hasn't ended, can't you see?
I am an inspiration of your love
shining down from up above
I am the joy inside your heart
and not the sadness that keeps us apart
Go on with life and please be happy
don't let your grief be my memory
My spirit will live on
it was meant to be
I want you to know
That I am free"
© 2006 Camille Lombardi-Olive

Look for me in springtime
As raindrops fill the air
In the splendour of the rainbow
You’ll find my presence there.

You will find me in the fragrance
Of April’s sweet perfume
Drifting through the clover
On a sultry day in June.

An August day will find me
Upon the summer breeze
On the distant sound of the thunder
In the gently swaying trees.

In the golden fields of harvest
Is where I can be found
As autumn time approaches
And leaves comes tumbling down.

In the wintertime when days are short
And chill is in the air
Just look into a moonlit night
You’ll find me lingering there.

When the setting sun has gone away
And shadows fill the night
When the cloak of darkness lifts its veil
I’ll be your morning light.

So when you feel discouraged
And at night to God you pray
You’ll feel me there beside you
I’m just a breath away.
..�•.♥.•�.� •. ♥.•�.�•.♥.•..

 "What Is Normal After Your Childs Death"

Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life.

Normal for me is trying to decide what to put on this site for Birthdays Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day and Easter.

Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable with a funeral than a wedding or birthday party...yet feeling a stab of pain in your heart when you smell the flowers and see the casket.

Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything.

Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why did I's go through your head constantly.

Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.

Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.

Normal is staring at every little boy who looks like he is my baby's age. And then thinking of the age he would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.

Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart.

Normal is telling the story of Max’s death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of my "normal".

Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honour your child's memory and his birthday and survive these days. And trying to find the balloon that fit's the occasion. Happy Birthday? “Not really”.

Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special my baby would love, but how he is not here to enjoy it.

Normal is having some people afraid to mention Max.

Normal is making sure that others remember him.

Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss of Max forever.

Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.

Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to cremate your own child is unnatural.

Normal is trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health depends on it.

Normal is realizing I do cry everyday.

Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of your child.

Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with others who have also lost a child.

Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives.

Normal is not listening to people making excuses for God. "God may have done this because..." I love God, I know that my baby is in heaven, but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why healthy babies were taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.

Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did laundry or if there is any food.

Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have three children or four, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that my baby is in heaven. And yet when you say you have three children to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed Max.

Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours

Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a million years.

And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal".

author unknown

Dannys Father Day pressie - click the link below

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=602346387a3e0a9f2b760d&skin_id=601&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=email

Missed in the morning of every day
Missed in the evening as light slips away
Missed for a thousand and other little things
Around every corner a memory clings.

Our Little Star

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that
which has been your delight.
Prophet Khalil Gibran

The music you are listening to has been downloaded from www.playlist.com.  There are a range of songs there - have a listen to the words, they all have a significant meaning to myself, Danny and the children.  As a family we all share in the beautiful words, if you are ever free on an early sunday morning, you can usually hear all of us singing and dancing to the 'noisy song'.  The kids know the words to all of these songs and we dance next to our perfect Max.  He will be with us always and is a part of all we do. 

The Gift of Grief
Author unknown

Death takes away. That’s all there is to it.
But grief gives back.
By experiencing it, we are not simply eroded by pain.
Rather, we become more compassionate, more aware,
more able to help others, more able to help ourselves.

Grief is powerful. It plunges us into the depths of sorrow
and forces us to face the finiteness of life, the mightiness of death, and the meaning of our existence here on this earth.

It does more than enable us to change: it demands it.
The way we change is up to us.
It is possible to be forever bowed by grief.
It is possible to be so afraid of one aspect of it that we become frozen in place, stuck in sorrow, riveted in resentment or remorse, unable to move on.

But it is also possible to be enlarged, to find new direction,
and to allow the memory of the beloved person who has died to
live on within us... not as a monument to misery,
but as a source of strength, love and inspiration.

By acting on our grief, we can eventually find within ourselves
a place of peace and purposefulness.
It is my belief that all grievers, no matter how intense their pain,
no matter how rough the terrain across which they must travel,
can eventually find that place within their hearts.

"How very softly you tiptoed into my world
Almost silently, only a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint your footsteps have left upon my heart."
From Little Footprints by Dorothy Ferguson

There is no hand so small that it cannot leave a print on Mummy's heart

To the world a baby..............
 To us the world.........
                      


                               




To those of you who bought us gifts for Max and sent cards for his birthday thank you so much.  Thank you for acknowledging we had a baby who turned one!  We made his birthday very special and it really helped to know that those who chose to be were a part of that.  We have been blessed with some great family and friends!  We love you xx











If I could I'd want you here with me.
If I could change one thing,
that's what it would be.
If I could hold you to my heart
Let you know you were loved right from the start.

If I could we'd watch some flowers grow.
If I could we'd make angels in the snow.
If I could we'd run barefoot in the sand.
If I could I'd hold your little hand.
If I could we'd wave at passing trains.
Let our tongues feel drops of falling rain.
If I could together we'd fly a kite,
We'd give it a face and paint it all bright.

If I could change one thing,
that's what it would be
To have you here with me again.



Catch hold of my hand, Mom
Like you always do.
Catch hold of my hand, Mom,
For I really need you.
Catch hold of my hand Mom,
And take away the fear.
Catch hold of my hand Mom,
For I love you dear.
Catch hold of my hand Mom,
Though I can’t see you now.
Catch hold of my hand, Mom,
The pain has gone from my brow.
Catch hold of my hand, Mom,
For our love will never wane.
Catch hold of my hand, Mom,
God bless till we meet again


Since losing Max I have had to throw myself into doing things to use up my 'Max time'.  
I have spent my time (with the help of some great friends), raising money for SANDS (we managed nearly 5000 pounds) doing a gym challenge.  We have also been providing 'bags of love' to Queens Hospital in Romford, Essex. You can see some of the pictures of the bags in Max's photo album.
I am now at a point where I know people have acknowledged Max's existence.  He was here!  He is my baby!  And the world knows it!!
It has been so hard trying to keep a smile on my face throughout this awful time and Danny and I have just about managed it.  We still have our awful days but Max has taught us so much.  

Everyone who has helped with the bags of love thank you so much.  It has been a huge task and considering we were only doing 15 in the first place, I think to have reached 106 bags today was a huge achievement and I am proud of it.

I also organised a balloon release to take place on Saturday June 30th at South Weald Country Park, Brentwood, the event was sadly very well attended despite the pouring rain.  You can see photo's of the day in Max's album.

None of this would have been possible without the amazing support of our good friends and lovely family.  You have been there to support Danny, Freya, Zak and I throughout this whole time.  You have been practical with the kids, with bags of love, talking, holding our hands and letting us cry.  We both know how much Max has touched you all and I am happy that he did.  He is a very special little boy.

Danny and I will never 'get over' losing our precious son but I guess from what we are told in time we will learn to live with it.

Lastly to our son Max, we wanted to keep you but it wasn't to be.  I hope we have done you proud with the things we have been able to do in your memory.  You mean the world to us.  You have touched so many.  I would give so much to hold you one last time, I wouldn't even be greedy :))) Just one more time would do.......I think........maybe not......I wish I had you forever.  And thats what makes you so special....You will always be our baby.
Sleep tight Angel Boy xxxxxxxxxxxxxx




If you do view Max's site please light a candle for him, it helps to know people are getting to know Max through here and we like to know who is visiting.  It's very easy to do and you don't have to say much....just thinking of you will do....but please light one xx

This is the poem we had read at Max's funeral

These are my footprints. 
These are my footprints
so perfect and so small.
These tiny footprints,
Never touched the ground at all.
Not one tiny footprint,
For now I have my wings.
These tiny footprints were meant,
For other things.
You will hear my tiny footprints,
In the patter of the rain.
Gentle drops like angel's tears,
Of joy and not from pain.
You will see my tiny footprints,
In each butterflies' lazy dance.
I'll let you know I'm with you
if you just give me a chance.
You will see my tiny footprints
in the rustle of the leaves.
I will whisper names into the wind
and call each one that grieves.
Most of all, these tiny footprints
Are found on mummy's heart.
'Cause even though I'm gone now
we’ll NEVER truly part. 


This is the prayer my mum wrote for Max's funeral.

This is for ......

Sian, our daughter, who is an amazing, courageous mother.... and Danny, a strong beautiful person ....and we love him as our son.....

We are united in grief ........ Great Grandparents, Parents ,Grandparents, Brothers, Sisters, Sons and Daughters and Godparents and much loved friends.

Max, our awaited for baby was born asleep.

There can be nothing worse than to go through the trials of labour and giving birth knowing that your baby will not take his first breath......

.our daughter ...

our son in law .....

went through that.....they were strong, they were brave.........

It made our hearts ache and we would have given anything to have gone through the whole thing for them....instead of them....

...but this was theirs to do.

Children are ours for such a short time....initially we feed them, dress them...decide when they go to bed .....and all that other stuff -

as parents we need to feel in control, ....... in order to keep our babies safe. Because that is our job as parents.. To love our children and pave a safe way for them to their future.

But we all know that our children are just on loan to us ..., a gift that is given and then can be taken away.....

as much as we want them to stay with us forever,we know that cannot be.....at some stage we have to let them go.

Sometimes for reasons inexplicable, the taking away happens before we are ready....much too soon.

This is what happened with Our Max.

Our Max was born sleeping.

He was perfect, just like his sister, Freya and his brother Zak.

We felt him and saw him when he was safe within our daughter....we grew to know and love him.

We looked forward to watch the growth of Max, the third of Sian and Danny's children...... of our grandchildren....... and imagined him to be a composite of Freya, Zak, Sian and Danny, and the so very strong characteristics of the families that contributed to his genes.

He would have been wonderful,......just as they are.

But it was not to be.

Our Max was born sleeping.

After his birth we bathed him and dressed him,and cherished him and that was so important for all of us.

We know that he passed peacefully.

We know that he will always be peaceful, because he carries the love of us all.

We know that he will be cared for until we are all reunited.

Bless and Cherish Max

May our Higher Power give strength to those who feel grief at the loss of our baby Max......

we will all need strength....now and in the future.....

Take care of us all.........

Please. 




What my child has taught me

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I've learned that learning to forgive takes a lot of practice.

I've learned that friends can become strangers, and strangers can become friends.

I've learned that ignorance isn't an excuse for the lack of compassion.

I've learned that some people will never, ever - "get it".

I've learned that the community of sorrow is the strongest of all.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that love isn't measured by the amount of time you have with someone.

I've learned that some sorrow is so deep that it has no words.
But so is love! 

What has your child taught you?



God whispered I love you, please come with me,
I'll show you the beauty, not all get to see.
Only the good and the true, see the sight,
take hold of my hand, come into the light.
God needed an angel, who's love was so true,
to tend to all his roses, his angel was you.
You'll always be with us, until our lives end,
because we are those roses, you care for and tend. 





A wife who loses her husband is called a widow.
A husband who loses his wife is called a widower.
A child who loses their parents is called an orphan.
But in Yiddish they say there is no word for a parent who loses a child...
That's how awful the loss is. 


 
PRECIOUS CHILD 

You can currently listen to this song at http://www.compassionatefriends.org/precious_child.htm, I am in the process of buying the song so that I can upload it to the site but in the meantime to hear the song please click on the link, warning you may tissues! :))  It is a truly beautiful song, that I wish I had writtem, it sums up exactly how I feel about Max.


Words and Music by Karen Taylor-Good

In my dreams, you are alive and well
Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still

In my heart, you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

In my plans, I was the first to leave
Precious child, precious child
But in this world, I was left here to grieve
Precious child, my precious child

In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart there is hope
And you are with me still

In my heart you live on
Always there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon,
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

God knows I want to hold you,
See you, touch you
And maybe there's a heaven
And someday I will again
Please know you are not forgotten until then

In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart 



The Do's and Dont's of helping bereaved parents with grief


DO Allow them to express as much grief as they are able and are willing to share with you.

DO allow them to express as much unhappiness as they are feeling and willing to share with you.

DO allow them to talk about their loss as much and as often as they want to.

DO be available. to listen, to run errands, to help with the other children, or whatever else seems needed at the time.

DO deal with the grieving individual gently and positively.

DO encourage them to be patient with themselves and not to expect too much of themselves.

DO encourage them to not impose any “shoulds” or “I should be” on themselves.

DO give special attention to the child's brothers and sisters at the funeral and in the months to come (they are often in need of attention which their parents may not be able to give).

DO let your genuine concern and caring show.

DO offer specific help such as running errands or helping to go through their loved one’s belonging.

DO offer to be a friend.

DO recognize that grieving has no time limit and varies from individual to individual both in the way they express their grief and the time required to stabilize.

DO talk about your memories of the deceased child and the special qualities that made the child endearing.

DO tell the family how sorry you are about the child’s death and about the pain they must be feeling.

DO acknowledge the death through visits, phone calls, sympathy cards, donations, and flowers.

DO remember important days such as birthdays, the death anniversary, Mother's Day, Father's Day, and any other significant day, which may be difficult for the bereaved. A telephone call, visit, or card means a great deal to a bereaved parent.

DO make specific offers to help, i.e.

- I am going to the store. What do you need?
-Can I take your kids on Sunday afternoon?
- On Thursday I will be bringing by dinner for the family.
- I will take your child to skating lessons on Sunday.
- Can I come and baby-sit tomorrow evening to give you a break.
- Do you want to get out tonight to talk, walk, or both.

DO offer to take their children to school, birthday parties, and extra-curricular programs.

DO immediately following the loss, take charge of the household and inform family and friends of the tragedy, help answer the phone, help dress and feed the children (if applicable), and set up a meal plan.

DO call. Call often.

DO when you call the bereaved, ask, "How are you doing today?"

DO appreciate that your bereaved relative or friend doesn't always return phone calls right away.

DO appreciate that nothing you say will ever make the bereaved parent sadder than the reality of what has happened to their child.

DO talk in your natural tone of voice.

DO remember that when you phone, even if it is to only leave a message, the bereaved feel comforted by your efforts.

DO tell the bereaved family how much you care.

DO remember it is usually the simple little things you say or do that mean so much.

DO listen.

DO continue to support bereaved parents well beyond the acute mourning period, even if it means years..

DO congratulate the bereaved on good news while appreciating that they still carry a tremendous burden of grief.

DO find local support through bereavement groups, church, synagogue, bereavement organizations and forward the information to the bereaved family.

DO be sensitive that being in the presence of other children of similar age to the deceased may make the bereaved parent uncomfortable.

DO give the bereaved time to resume the activities they participated in before their loss.

DO know that effort of any kind is appreciated.

DO learn how to give good hugs. The bereaved need every heartfelt hug they can get.

DO expect your relationship with the bereaved to change. When you are bereaved, every relationship is affected in one way or another.

DO share your own good news with the bereaved. They still want to hear it.

DO say any of the following:

- Call me at any time if you ever need to talk.
- I can't begin to imagine how you feel.
- I am so sorry for your loss. 

DO talk to your children about the loss.

DO find the right time and the right materials to broach the discussion of loss and bereavement with your children.

DO consult with your libraries and bookstores for bereavement reading materials for children.

DO provide your surviving children with a picture of the departed child as a cherished memento.

DO give children the option of visiting at the cemetery.

--------------------------------------

DON’T avoid mentioning their loss or the child's name out of fear of reminding them of their pain (they haven't forgotten it!).

DON’T change the subject when they mention their dead child.

DON’T tell them what they should feel or do.

DON'T avoid the bereaved parents because you are uncomfortable (being avoided by friends adds pain to an already painful experience.)

DON'T let your friends, family or co-workers grieve alone. There is a tremendous sense of isolation and abandonment during the grief process. You can help by caring, by being there, and by being the best friend you can.

DON'T make any comments which in any way suggest that their loss was their fault.

DON’T point out that at least they have their other children (children are not interchangeable; they can not replace each other).

DON'T say "Your loved one is waiting for you over there," "God wanted him," "It was God's will," or "God knows best."

DON'T say “you can always have another child.”

DON'T say “you should be coping or feeling better by now” or anything else which may seem judgmental about their progress in grieving.

DON'T say that you know how they feel (unless you've experienced their loss yourself you probably don't know how they feel).

DON'T suggest that they should be grateful for their other children. Grief over the loss of one child does not discount the parents’ love and appreciation of their living children.

DON'T tell them not to cry. It hurts us to see them cry and makes us sad. But, by telling them not to cry, we are trying to take their grief away.

DON'T tell them what they should feel or do.

DON'T try to find something positive (e.g. a moral lesson, closer family ties, etc.) about the loss.

DON'T allow your own fears from preventing you from offering support to the bereaved.

DON'T fear that bringing up the dead child's name will create sadness.

DON'T say, "If you need anything call me" because the bereaved don't always know how to call and ask for your support.

DON'T be afraid if you make your bereaved friend or relative cry.

DON'T think that good news (family wedding, pregnancy, job promotion, etc.) cancels out grief.

DON'T have expectations for what bereaved parents should or should not be doing at different times in their grief.

DON'T forget the overlooked mourners (grandparents, uncles, aunt's, close friends etc.) who need your support too.

DON'T force bereaved people to talk about their loss. They will engage you when the time is right.

DON'T find yourself saying any of the following:

- It was God's will.
- It was meant to be.
- He's in a better place now.
- Time heals all wounds.
- I know just how you feel.
- You are still young enough to have more children.
- Are you not over it yet?
- At least you have other children.
- Your child is in a better place.
- It was for the best.
- It could have been worse...
- It's been ______ amount of time and you have to get on with your life

DON'T expect grieving parents to be strong and don't compliment them if they seem to be strong.

DON'T tell a grieving parent how they should feel.

DON'T be afraid of reminding the parents about the child. They haven't forgotten.

DON'T be afraid to cry or laugh in front of the bereaved.

DON'T assume that when a grieving parent is laughing, they are over anything or grieving any less.

DON'T wait until you know the perfect thing to say. Just say whatever is in your heart or say nothing at all. Sometimes just being there is comfort enough.

DON'T underestimate the impact of grief on children. Children understand and retain a lot more than they may show.

DON'T think that children are too young to appreciate loss or death. 

Oh yeah and the following are not acceptable and yes they have really been said: